When Life is Dark: How to Find your Light in God
Do you ever wake up in the morning and wonder, “How did I get here?” Your life has changed beyond recognition. The hopes and plans you carried have crumbled to dust. Confused and hurting, you feel you’re fumbling your way in the dark.
Maybe your broken marriage seems too damaged to repair.
Or your child has left the faith and is pushing you away.
Health issues have stolen your strength, comfort, and freedom.
The place you found belonging is now freezing you out.
Doors of opportunity keep slamming in your face.
Financial setbacks yanked any sense of security out from under you.
Major life transitions erased the identity that made you, “you.”
In whatever situation you’re facing, it doesn’t make sense. You can’t feel any solid ground under your feet. Heartbreak, disappointment, and fear have overwhelmed the hope you once held for the future. You’re left wondering, How can I find any light in the darkness of my life?
Today our friend Mychelle Nicholas shares her story of wrestling with that same question in her own painful season. We pray that you discover the One who met her in the darkness is the same God who loves you right where you are.
The Light Shines in the Darkness
A few years ago, I suffered an accident that left me bedridden and bearing no weight for several weeks. During that time we installed new blackout curtains for our bedroom. For me, “blackout” meant that when the lights turned off, I felt I was in a tomb. There was no way to adjust my eyes to the dark as there was no light from which to draw.
As I laid still, unwanted tears gently flowed down my cheeks. I lamented my losses in a year of hard change. I had left a job that I loved. I was navigating my place in a new church. I married off one child, sent my baby off to college, and lost my mom after a long battle of illness.
I had been looking forward to this new season of empty-nesting as a reset for the next stage in life. It was supposed to be a season of adventure and discovery. I was supposed to find the exciting new purpose that God had for me. At least, those were the plans that I had laid out for myself. All of that came to a literal screeching halt in one day as my husband and I went for a casual bike ride. A driver blew through the stop light at 40 MPH, sending me into the middle of the street.
My lament connected my physical setbacks with the emotional setbacks of my former identity. Fears of the dark and the unknown overwhelmed my spirit. As I cried out to God to settle my soul, Jesus’ words to his disciples filled my mind:
“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Matthew 16:24 ESV).
I imagine that Jesus’ disciples weren’t too different from the rest of us. Before meeting Jesus, they had full lives. Every one of them had identities shaped by their work, family, and community. Each was challenged to leave it all behind to follow him by faith.
Jesus warned them that it would not be easy. Jesus did not always tell His disciples where they were going, yet they didn’t seem to care as long as they were with Him. Sometimes He told them to take provisions for the journey; other times He told them to take nothing at all. They were walking alongside Jesus into the unknown. Whenever they tried to make it about themselves, Jesus corrected them. It was all for the glory of God. Period.
Prior to my accident, my identity had been wrapped up in the gifts, skills, people and experiences that made me who I thought I was. God has given me a beautiful life of deep valleys and mountain-top experiences (and He will use those things for His glory, I have no doubt). After the accident, I was consumed with self-pity, the suffocating darkness, and helplessness that couldn’t even get up to open the door. But in the middle of this dark night, He was asking me to forget all of that and simply focus on Him.
Instead of waking my husband to let in some light from another room, I again took hold of my thoughts. I began processing the way Jesus told his disciples to “deny themselves and follow Him.” I was now convinced that those words were for me.
Laying there in my dark bedroom, I was broken physically, mentally, and spiritually. However, as I turned to Jesus, I felt His presence and was reminded again of His words,
“The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5).
That scripture calmed my fearful, weary soul. This was the beginning of a journey to healing; not just my broken bones but also my wounded heart.
We cannot find our hope or identities by the roles that we play, the talents we display or the results of a personality test. It is only by drawing near to Jesus that we find the true fulfillment of his love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control (Galatians 5:22) In his light we discover who we are in him and him alone.
Are you facing a season that seems dark or hopeless? Jesus offers the gift of his light as well. Life is not easy. It’s certainly full of change. The plans that we make for ourselves would never include heartache, broken bones or loss. Yet these are the seasons that hold hope of healing and growth as we lean into the promises and love of our unchanging God. May you find great hope as you put your trust in Him.
About Mychelle
Mychelle Nicholas has enjoyed a wonderful marriage to Steve in the “Mitten State” of Michigan for 33 years. She loves being a mom to three adult children, two with spouses, and recently added the title of “Grandma” to the list! Mychelle has applied years of event planning, fund raising and organizing teams into her current passion of connecting people into places to grow and use their gifts. She is a certified public speaker and life coach which she currently uses in work and ministry.
From an early age she was acquainted with a darkness that no child should face. She and her husband have navigated significant setbacks and pain such as a child’s illness, a devastating flood with mold and sickness to follow, loss of parents, and a life-altering accident. Through it all, they have found their hope by clinging to God. Mychelle’s desire now is to encourage others through their seasons of pain and change by reflecting the light of the Son.
