Episode 119: How to Grow Confident Kids Who Tackle New Things

“But I don’t want to try that!” How many times have you heard this cry ring out whenever your child is faced with something new? Whether it be a new sport, trying to learn an instrument, or simply taking a bite of an unfamiliar food on their plate, our children can often resist new things—even if we know that they’ll eventually be grateful that they pushed through their anxious hesitations.

We want to be the type of moms and dads who help our kids grow in confidence. But it can be a challenge to know how to best support them. When should we push them to branch out or to stick with something they’ve committed to, and when should we give them grace and time to adjust to the thought of something new? We are so happy to welcome Valerie Ellis back to the show to help us answer these questions.

Valerie is the mom of two boys, and she is navigating parenthood with her husband every day. She’s the author of multiple books for kids, including Let’s Go! Bible Adventures and her exciting new project, Wild Faith Devotional for Kids. Valerie is a speaker and the founder of Our Everyday Parables, an online resource that offers parents ideas for pursuing faith and compassion.

In this episode, Valerie shares:

Reasons our children may struggle to step into something new
Ways to help our children shift their mindset
How to model confidence, bravery, and even failure
How to help our kids cope with the anxiety they feel in their mind and body
And much more!

We hope you enjoy this conversation!

Links:

Our Takeaways:

1) Practice talking about feelings. It’s so important to teach emotional competency to your children. Being able to name what they are feeling, whether that be fear, awkwardness, or worry about the outcome of a situation, gives them a sense of control. When we can name our feelings, we can begin to tame them and use strategies to reframe those emotions. You might consider utilizing a “feelings wheel” to help your child get specific about their emotions. You can also try walking through certain situations that bring up negative emotions and supporting your child as they identify where these feelings are coming from.

2) Make situations more predictable. As adults, we can often forget that our children aren’t privy to many of the details we are. It’s their first time experiencing so many things about our world, after all! Taking the time to let them know what to expect in a new situation can go a long way in building their confidence. Describe what’s going to happen, the order of events, where you will be during the event, and who they can go to if they have questions. Giving our children “anchor points” helps new situations be less scary.

3) Utilize play to disarm their fears. This is a tip specifically for your little kiddos. They have the gift of being easily swept up in play and silliness, which can help them get their mind off of fixating on negative emotions. Our older kids are able to logically think through scenarios, but for our younger kids, utilizing play is a great way to help build their confidence and overcome their fears. This could be through things like a special stuffed animal that goes with them to school, building fun routines like “new shirt day”, or even grabbing a copy of Valerie’s new book to help teach them about how God created all things!

Meet Our Guest

Valerie Ellis is an author, speaker, certified teacher, mom, and the founder of the multi-author online resource, Our Everyday Parables, which offers parenting ideas for families pursuing faith and compassion. She is passionate about helping kids and parents connect with God and each other in everyday moments. Valerie lives in Houston, Texas with her husband, Josh, and their two boys. In her spare time, she enjoys live music, eating on the patio, and fresh cilantro.