The Addict’s Wife–How God Rescued Her Husband and Marriage
Every marriage suffers through seasons of “for worse” instead of the “for better” you dreamed of on your wedding day. Personalities clash. Promises are broken. Affection grows cold. Goals and life’s demands compete for your devotion to one another. You reach your breaking point, wondering, Does my spouse really love me? Will they ever change? Is there any hope for tomorrow? Your marriage feels buried under the rubble of hurt and disappointment. When you’ve run out of strength to carry on in your relationship, you need a word of hope. You and I need to see other couples who fell hard but got back on their feet. We need living, walking proof that God rescued a marriage and can do the same again.
Today we welcome Sarah Slanzi as she shares her personal story of how God rescued her husband and marriage. Our prayer is that you find fresh hope that “with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26) We hope your faith in the power of prayer is restored. And, we pray you’ll invite others to walk beside you on the journey of your life together. May God bless you as you place your marriage in his hands.
Your hand is on the door. You’re ready to call to it quits.
The tear stains on your pillow are the unspoken evidence of sleepless nights as your heart stung with the loss of what you had hoped your marriage would be. You felt sad, then angry, then sad again, and now you are just numb.
Trying to look ahead to life without your husband, on one hand you feel relief that it’s almost over and you can forge ahead with a new life. On the other hand, you heart grieves with every beat the loss of the man you thought would hold your heart forever. Now, he is no longer there to even offer a sympathetic hug in the most anguishing trial you have ever had to face.
If you’re really being honest with yourself, in the quiet of your heart and beyond the built-up resentment there is a restlessness. You are trying to not pay attention to it because the newfound numbness feels better. Even still, it is there.
Let me tell you our story before you file for divorce…
It was the year 2013 when God worked a miracle and salvaged the unsalvageable. We had been married for nine years, and our marriage looked nothing like what I had imagined. My husband was having an affair, but not with another woman. Rather, his affair was with a little bottle of pills. My husband was a drug addict.
At first I looked the other way. We were young and in love, and it didn’t seem to be too big of a concern in the eyes of a newlywed. After all, he was in pain, and I didn’t want to see him suffer. But soon came kids, one and then two. My husband could no longer hold down a job as his addiction was taking over. Soon the pressure of work landed on me. I was working, raising kids, maintaining a household, and taking care of an often mentally-absent husband. I was abundantly more lonely than I had ever felt before.
After years of working at that speed while watching my husband check out of reality, my heart began to callous. Worn out and worked to the bone, I started taking taking heart medication as I was not handling the stress well. I blamed him for my failing health.
This was not a man worth loving.
This was not a man I wanted to grow old with.
My husband was not the man for me.
We argued. I yelled…a lot. In my heart I grew angry, bitter, and fed up. I stopped internalizing my emotions and started letting everything out at the expense of my husband’s feelings. I didn’t care. He was hurting me, so I was giving it all I could to throw hurt and pain back on him. I hated who I was becoming. I blamed him for that too.
I worked hard to keep our world a secret from others.
I smiled sweetly at church while sitting next to a man whose very presence made me cringe in quiet rage. Often during the service I sat and looked around at other couples. I saw an arm wrapped around the shoulders of another. A hand placed on the other’s knee. Both spouses helping with young children at foot. I could only dream of a world like that. Mine was far too dark and oppressive to even dare reveal, so I played an adult version of make-believe and pretended we were madly in love.
“Why did I even stay?” you might be wondering. The answer, though simple, perplexed me a great deal. Whenever I would cry out to God, I never felt released to leave. I hated that most of all. I wanted to honour my Lord, but did He not see my pain and exhaustion?
One weary night I cried out my final prayer to God:
“This is all I can take! No more! Save me! Am I not worth more to you than this?! Why won’t you give me peace to leave?” I trembled and sobbed uncontrollably. It was just too much. That was the night that I pleaded with God to either let my husband die from overdose, or let me just not wake up.
I had been sleeping in my daughter’s room for about two years at that point. The following morning my husband came stumbling into the bedroom before I had even woken up. He let out a loud wail and collapsed on the floor. The dramatic awakening reminded me that God had not answered my plea. Both of us had woken up. I felt trapped.
I was at the end of my ability to cope, and for the first time, I reached out for help.
My in-laws came and collected my husband and brought him home to their house. I reached out to a few good friends, including a couple who had experienced this in their own life. To my surprise, my plea for help was not met with judgement, but a real and sincere desire to help. I realized for the first time that this was what love was. It is not the beautiful nor the uncomplicated, but rather, the actions one takes in the trenches to come together and wage war against the impossible.
We fasted and prayed together before meeting once again with my husband to offer him an ultimatum: Get out, or get help.
For the first time, I released my white-knuckled grip on our marriage and left it in the hands of God. It was freeing and terrifying all at once. Everything was on the line. I feared he may take our kids and leave me with nothing. But even more, I was afraid he would never change. I feared we were too broken to fix. It seemed too much to hope for that God could rescue my husband or my marriage.
After much anger and name-calling to me, my husband left for rehab. But, the drama only continued. Every day brought phone calls from him from the rehab center, and each time I picked up came badgering words. He was 500 kilometres away but there was still no rest.
One day I was laying on the couch, too exhausted to move, when the phone rang. It was him. I didn’t want to pick up, but something in me caused me to reach for the phone before I knew what I was doing.
“Hello, Beautiful,” he said to me.
Was he high? Who had snuck drugs to this man in a locked-up facility?!
We had been praying for him in our prayer group the night before, and even that morning. He knew about these prayers, but had simply told me to, “Shove it.” It was made clear that he wanted nothing to do with God, and he didn’t think prayer was of any use. He told me regularly that praying for him would be a waste of time. Nevertheless, we prayed.
What he told me next was nothing short of a miracle. He told me he was sitting there that morning when God’s Spirit of peace and joy washed over him. In his heart he felt new, like he had never felt before. In that moment–and from that moment on–he was washed clean from the desire to do drugs. He was filled with God’s presence in a tangible way. Tears rolled down my face and I knew that God had answered all our poured-out prayers to rescue our marriage. He returned on Christmas Eve, a most beautiful Christmas miracle.
Don’t get me wrong, it was not an instant happily-ever-after story.
It has taken work to rebuild trust. He has had to live openly and honestly with me when I ask him questions about his health. And I have had to relearn how to put the filter back on my thoughts. He is not the man he used to be, and I cannot treat him like it. It has taken tremendous effort on both our parts to come together again, but it has come with sweetness and joy as we pursue the marriage we originally hoped for. Truly this victory is God’s!
Oh, sweet reader, it is not too late for God to rescue your marriage.
God holds the power to rescue your marriage today. Your grip is just too suffocatingly tight. Instead, place your marriage in the stable, steady hand of God and then grip His mighty hand as He works in ways you cannot see today. He sees your tears. He knows your pain. God is faithful to those who call him Father. It may just turn out that you were never broken after all, you were just misshapen.
Sarah Slanzi is the founder of Like Grandma Did, an inspiring magazine and corner of the internet that encourages us to bring the beauty of the past into our present lives as women. Whether it’s a tried-and-true tip or recipe, a word of parenting or marriage wisdom, or a heartfelt call to trust in God, Like Grandma Did will refresh your heart and your home.
Sarah lives in Alberta, Canada with her husband of 16 years, their three homeschooled children, a dog, and one bird. She loves adventuring in the mountains with her family, drinking herbal tea, and crafting words to encourage her readers to turn their eyes Heavenward towards the grace and strength of an Everlasting Father.
If you’re walking through a difficult season today or simply want to strengthen your marriage, we’d love to support you with a series of free prayers. Sometimes it’s hard to find the right words—these prayers are thoughtfully written to guide you each day and help you stay rooted in hope.
An answer to a prayer.
We experienced something similar with heroine addiction and my husband got clean and saved 13 years ago. How has the journey been since? Has your husband struggled? Relapsed? Your story brought me back in time, only that time is now in present once again. Praying for a miracle. We are separated 4 months now.
I’m currently going through this, I started putting my foot down because Im so tired of the cycle and the mental abuse and he only gets that way when he’s under the influence or coming down .. My husband is in rehab right now . He checked himself in 2 days ago … Please pray for us … For him I have such hope that God will save him … I also wanted so badly to end it but I never truly could .. everyone around me told me to leave him but something truly wouldn’t let me fully leave him .. but I told him he needed to get help and to get sober for good if he wants to make it work with us 😭
Victoria, we are praying for you and your husband! We are asking God to lead him to a place of lifechanging faith in Jesus, freedom from addiction, and devotion to you and your family. And we’re praying for you also, that God will provide the wisdom you need for your decisions about your life together. And for courage to continue both loving your husband and holding to what’s true and right in your life together. May God lead your way and provide all you need to walk this difficult road! Blessings on you.
You have no idea how this has blessed me. God is bringing me to the end of myself. My husband is an alcoholic living on the streets in another city. I am so broken I can hardly breathe. I had to cut off all contact with him because he is refusing help. I am not released to divorce him and when I tell my loved ones this they just don’t understand. I truly love my husband. I desire nothing more than his release from sin and for him to come home to me. I despair that this may never happen. My husband’s heart is so far from God. With God all things are possible and all things will turn out for good! I rejoice in the fact that as long as my husband lives God can work in him.
Becca, thank you for sharing both your burdens and your hopes today! We are praying with you for God to set your husband free from his addiction. We’re asking for a humble heart that cries out to God for rescue, and for His love and power to transform his life. We’re also asking for comfort and endurance for you as you wait for answered prayers. Your faith in this has encouraged our own–bless you for reaching out and reminding all of us that with God, all things are possible!
–Joanna & Rob
Oh Becca I am going through the same thing but my husband has a drug addiction. He left me & our daughter several months ago and is currently living in a known drug house. He got to where he would not call or even text us. Our daughter is 19, we have decided to cut all ties. He knows he has a home and family waiting for him when he sets that life down. Like Becca I can’t even think about divorce right now, and several people have told me I should. We have been together over 25 years and married 21 yrs, I can’t just walk away. I pray constantly for him and for God to calm my heart & mind. I will be praying for you too Becca.
Thank you for sharing your story. I felt like I wrote it. I cried from how similar my actions and thoughts are to yours during that time. I’m praying for my husband to be delivered from his addictions and hope my marriage to be at peace one day. But most importantly for him to be Saved.
Cynthia, I’m so sorry for the pain you’re experiencing in your marriage. We are praying with you for your husband to be set free from his addiction, and for peace to fill your relationship. Rob and I just sat down to pray for you both and to ask God for your husband’s salvation. We asked for his peace to cover you and for loving support to surround you. What a comfort to know that God never leaves us, and with him all things are possible! Bless you my friend. –Joanna & Rob
Thanks for sharing deeply touch my hear & soul can completly relate…. a child of God Jessica stay at home mom of 5 children married to my husband Danny of 2 years and we have been together for 18 years .my husband is an alcoholic and drug addict functioning addict and he works all I can say it is so hard my faith has been tested more times than I can count on my fingers lots an I just rekindled my love with the Lord just yesterday so heart breaking all i want to do is fix him I know only God can . both my parents were alcoholics ……my mother passed away being a alcoholic an on depression pills prozac and my father is still alive in and out of rehab still dealing with drugs and alcohol just a year ago he drank a gallon of disinfecting liquid…..
With my husband at times I try to keep the peace an others times i blow it …… not knowing what is to come is sometimes very unbearable for me ……deep prayers please.
Jessica, I’m so grateful that my friend’s story touched you and met you in your situation. Rob and I are praying for you–for strength to endure, for wisdom in how to support your husband and children, and for God to provide a strong support system to walk with you. We are also praying for your husband to be set free from his addiction and to know the love and power of God in his life. Bless you, sister, as you continue to trust the Lord for your future. We will keep you in prayer! — Joanna T.
Wow, I couldn’t fathom that so many were struggling with me. My husband and I have known each other for 2 years, been married for little over a year. He was a former Meth addict of 12 years, and the side effects are severe , he can’t or want hold down a job, he has memory loss, he had a brain aneurysm that rupture , insomnia and severe mood swings, he’s had 4 motorcycle accidents . He is a thrill seeker, and I can’t keep up. I support this family a majority of the time .
I am burned out, I have taken over another bedroom to get some peace and time with G_d to pray for our marriage, he wants me to leave, he says he doesn’t love me anymore, G_d hasn’t led me to leave him. He want go to marriage counseling, he said it’s me and he’s not happy. I’m struggling here and I don’t want to give up or give in.
Rebecca, I’m grateful that you found some encouragement as you are walking this difficult road with your husband. We’re praying for you, that God will surround you with other women and professionals who can build you up and give helpful insight into what to do. We’re praying for your husband’s healing, and that God will soften his heart toward you and the Spirit who can restore his body and mind. We are asking God to give you comfort and help–we can only imagine how confusing it must be to know the steps to take. Your heart of compassion and love echo the heart of Jesus toward both of you. We pray that moment by moment, God will give you what you need. Blessings on you, sister!
–Joanna
I’m in tears as I sit and read this. I came home today to find my husband had relapsed. Not once not twice but I’ve lost count. I have no words!! I’m over the broken promises of getting help and exhausted. I don’t know what to do anymore. Reading this definitely encouraged me.
Lili, we are praying with you as you face this hurt and disappointment. We’re grateful to hear that you found some encouragement in this article. May I suggest a book for more encouragement? Dawn Ward wrote a book called From Guilt to Grace, where she shares her spiritual journey as her sons and husband struggled with addictions. She found such peace and wisdom from God in the middle of her loved ones’ issues and relapses. We pray that God will guide you one day at a time, giving you the peace, hope, and counsel you need to keep moving forward. Bless you, friend!
I too am struggling with my Husband’s (meth) addiction of too many years. We have been married for 16 years. He’s had other addictions as well in the past. With the recent sobriety, he had been sober for about 6 months. Not too soon after he came home that he relapsed. The first time, I made him leave and this week he’s not come home (it’s been 3 days so far) and no communication. I was so looking forward to having a fresh start with us and our marriage. I’ve cried too many tears over this man, over our marriage, so many broken promises and lies. Too many times he’s abandoned me. I am spent. I am heartbroken. I have anxiety. I have fear. I am stuck. I have finally realized that I am co-dependent-OUCH. I’m hoping and praying that he gets healed and that his addiction doesn’t kill him (that’s one of my fears). Too many times have I felt hopeless and wanted to be dead so that I wouldn’t feel any of this pain. I’ve even researched to see if I would go to hell for doing that. I’m so thankful and grateful that that I get to have God in my life. I know that God sees all of this and He is right in the midst of this suffering. As I’m in tears right now, I know that Jesus is sad for me since His Word said, “Jesus wept”.
Thank you for the miracle story, very encouraging. Hopefully my marriage will turn out for God’s glory.
Kathy, we’re so grateful you found encouragement from this story. Please know we are praying for you, and that no matter when your husband walks in victory or addiction, our loving God never changes. He is with you. He will provide help and strength to keep going. He will give you wisdom for how to respond to your husband and what practical steps to take next. And, we pray you find great comfort and peace just knowing you are the Father’s cherished daughter. We will keep praying!
I’m glad I found this, but I’m still struggling to find hope. My husband relapsed in 2020, went to rehab in 2021 (snuck drugs in with him). Idk if he really managed to get sober, but he might have been sober from meth and heroine for maybe a year? But then relapsed again in February of last year and hasn’t managed to stay clean for more than 3 weeks. Besides the meth and heroine, he’s been using weed gummies, weed vape, and illegally buying vicodin for his own pain management. I’m currently unemployed and can’t afford to move out. I’ve already kicked him out 4 times in the last 12 months but it doesn’t work. I’m at a loss because he keeps leading me on saying “this is it. I’m done for SURE.” Then gives in 3 days later. We have a 15 month old baby girl who hasn’t experienced her daddy sober and it’s infuriating and heartbreaking. I made him agree to marriage counseling several months ago, but the counselor is going to drop us in a few weeks if my husband isn’t sober because he isn’t buying into the tools and accountability. Counseling is my last ditch effort to get our relationship back on track and as we get closer to the end of this month, I feel all hope disappearing more and more each day. I don’t want to be a single mom and I don’t want my baby girl to have a broken family. She loves her daddy so much it breaks my heart to think I might be separating her from her daddy soon. I’ve released this into God’s hands so many times, but nothing has changed. If anyone out there reads this, please pray for a miracle.
Caitlyn, we are grieving with you about this long struggle for your husband, your marriage, and your family. We are praying for courage for you to take the steps needed to pursue stability and security. And, we are praying with you for a miraculous healing within your husband’s body and mind, that he could walk in freedom and in the light of God. We are also asking God to provide for your financial needs, and for people to surround you with wise counsel and encouragement. We know that when it seems we have nothing, God is everything. He loves you, he’s with you, and he will guide your way forward. Blessings, dear friend.
I’m really grateful I found this . My husband and I have been married 2 years. He relapsed after one year. Most people tell me to just divorce, and I was really close one time, but changed my mind and decided to stay for now. I’ve surrendered control and my husband to God, but I’m stubborn about making my marriage work and proving people wrong. I really haven’t fasted and prayed and gave myself to Jesus like I should. I’m asking that you support me in prayer. It’s a daily struggle, and a complicated issue. Glad to hear I’m not alone and that there is hope:)
Aly, we are grateful that God gave you encouragement in your difficult situation with your husband. We are praying that God will lead him to a place of freedom and strength so he can thrive in his faith, his life, and his relationship with you. And we’re asking God to give you his comfort and also moment-by-moment guidance for how to make your way forward. You’re right–you are not alone! His love and presence are right there with you. Blessings on you and your husband today!
I’m also bound to a marriage of nearly 40 yrs to an addicted spouse. Now he has health issues that drugs numb the pain he endures. I’m exhausted & not being the compassionate wife but feel obligated..
Often, I remember glimpses of how we were before & plans for our future. I have yet to receive the release or peace I need to leave despite my plans & longing to live the rest of my life fulfilling GOD’s will! I need prayers from those who’ve experienced living with addicted spouses.
Thank you
Michele, we are praying with you for strength, for discernment to know God’s will for your future, and for powerful healing of your husband’s addiction and your marriage. We are also asking God to surround you with wise, godly support that can build you up and give strong counsel. We are trusting God to wrap you in his compassion and deep love as you endure in this difficulty. Blessings on you today!
Praise the Lord for miracles over your husband and your marriage. I am dealing from 10 years my husband’s addiction with pills and other drugs.on the last 5 years is getting worse I had to let him go few times and let him come back . I am a women of faith and l came to the point when l had to tell my husband to leave the house because the abuse and anger he have .I asked him to go in rehab but he rejected it and refuses he is drugs addicted. Everyone tells me leave him and to move on with my life but inside me saying NO so I turn to God who does the impossible and l am praying for my husband to comes to the end of his self and to turn to God
Eva, We are praying with you for your husband to walk in freedom from his addiction. And we’re praising God for giving you courage and faith to keep trusting God and making such difficult decisions. May he bless you and keep you built up to endure this difficult time. Blessings on you!
I feel like I am at the end of my rope after 6 years of addiction and emotional/mental abuse, to say the least, and my husband (of 29 years) unwillingness to change or get help, his blame on me (and even our kids) for speaking out against his behaviors. He doesn’t want help or to change but also says he will not leave, so it feels very selfish and overwhelming. I am trying to pray, but I am at a loss as to how or what to pray and everyone, including my kids, feels that I should leave him. His addictions are to alcohol and cocaine, but he is angry that we don’t “accept” him or understand, and he refuses to see the disrespect in his actions (staying out late, getting angry or rude, etc.)
Stacy, Our hearts are with you in this difficult situation. I can only imagine how exhausted and defeated you must feel. And, how complicated it must be to know the best steps to take as you make your way forward. We are praying with you–for strength, for clarity, for courage to do what’s needed. I’m also praying that God will give you assurance that he is close to you. Even when it’s hard to pray, His Spirit is praying for you by name and carrying your heartache to the Father’s ear. May he help you, protect you, and lead your path. You are always welcome to reach out through our website so we can stay connected. Blessings on you and your family, Stacy!
I can relate so much to it all… my husband just relapsed again it had been almost 3 years of sobriety. My husband loves the Lord , he is studying to be a pastor. But I don’t know what happened that caused him to fall and it’s very crushing. His addiction is Xanax.
It’s like he’s here but he’s not at the same time. It breaks my heart. I miss him. I miss the leader , the protecter the head of our home. I didn’t expect him to fall again. We all sin , his sin is just more obvious . But it’s still sin. I’m so sad for him. Because I know he’s struggling and it’s like he’s being chained up by the lies and sin. Please pray for him his name is Michael & for me Ashley. We have 2 children. We have received a lot of love and support from family/ friends from church. We have confronted him and he’s working on getting off the Xanax it’s just a hard process. I pray that whatever he needs to surrender to God , that the Lord will fully give him the repentance to do so!
Ashley, we are praying with you for your husband’s healing and freedom from addiction! We are asking God to draw him nearer to himself than ever before. And that God would guide him toward the support and treatment that will allow him to experience lasting victory. We’re praying for you, too, to know God as your rock who keeps you strong and steadfast through this difficult experience. May God hold you, your husband, and your children in his loving arms and meet every need. Blessings on you, Ashley!