Raising Kids in a Digital World: 10 Lessons We Have Learned

If parenting five kids for over 30 years has taught us anything, it’s that the world is changing really fast. Navigating the teen years with our youngest child can feel like uncharted territory. We feel this the most when it comes to technology. The digital landscape holds incredible opportunities, but also threats to our child’s safety, innocence, and healthy development.

Maybe you, like us, have felt overwhelmed by the task of protecting your child in this digital age. We’ve made mistakes. We had to learn some painful lessons the hard way. At times we’ve been too passive, and other times we let anxiety rule our choices.

Yet through it all, we haven’t given up. We searched out advice, learned through trial and error, and prayed for discernment. Raising our kids mindfully in a digital world is an ongoing process, but it’s worth the effort we put in.

Perhaps your son or daughter has suffered real harm from people and content on the device in their hands. Maybe you believed your boundaries were secure, only to be blindsided by another digital danger. Perhaps you’re so weary or confused, it seems easier to give up the fight or just unplug the family altogether.

Today we’re here to share some encouragement with ten lessons we have learned raising kids in the digital world. We don’t have all the answers, but we’re passionate to keep learning, growing, and helping kids thrive.

1. Give yourself grace

Parenting is hard. Kids struggle. We can’t be everywhere all at once, and we can’t meet every need no matter how desperately we try. While we’re called to be faithful and loving moms and dads, God has compassion for our limitations.

Today, we invite you to take a deep breath. Remember that ultimately, your children belong to the Lord. He is for you. He wants to help you, guide you, and release you from any shame or regret you might feel as a parent. He stands ready to equip you and give you strength. We can hold onto his Word that promises daily mercy as we raise our kids:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

(Lamentations 3:22-23)

2. Know your child

As important as it is to know the devices, apps, and online activities our kids engage with, it’s even more important to know our child. That can start with discovering the “why” that drives their behavior.

For example, AI characters and social media can feed into a child’s need for connection or relationship. Games and apps can provide escape from a child’s stress over homework. At the end of an exhausting day, binge-watching YouTube videos might feel like a mental nap. Posting pics online might satisfy a craving for attention or affirmation Or maybe your child’s brain is craving a happy-feeling dopamine boost that gaming can deliver in a hurry. By identifying our children’s core needs, we can help them meet those needs in healthy, heart-growing ways.

We can also study our children to know their level of self-control and if an online activity is having negative effects in their life. Each kid moves down the road toward maturity at their own pace, so a 10-year old might be able to keep screen time in check while their 14-year old sibling struggles to unplug. As we become students of our kids, we can make decisions for our home that serve them well.

3. Expect the best, prepare for the worst.

In marriage, many of us see the glass half-empty while the other sees sunshine behind every cloud. Thankfully when it comes to parenting, we need both outlooks! We need to keep a positive outlook that can celebrates the good in our kids and loves in a way that “hopes all things” as they grow (1 Corinthians 13:7).

Yet we also need to be realistic that games are built to be addictive, predators are on the hunt, and the effects of social media on mental health are proven. Plus our kids are not immune to temptation since, like us, they’re human!

That’s why it’s important to put protective measures in place for our kids. For us, this means:

Using our internet provider’s app to turn off wifi when we’re away
Keeping YouTube limited to the family TV on the main floor
Streaming music through a shared family plan
Using laptops in full view (with awareness of Google’s “guest mode” that hides usage data)
Regularly changing passcodes on shared devices and gaming accounts
Using the smart TV’s parental controls and app locks
Keeping phones in the parents’ room at night
Utilizing monitored devices like the Bark phone
Leaving the school-provided tablet or laptop at school overnight
Screening apps for safety before installation

By weaving hope with caution, we can protect our kids’ eyes and hearts as they grow.

4. Wrap rules in relationship

If the list above sounds strict, it is! That’s why when we set boundaries, we need to share conversations too. Explain the concerns you’re addressing. Express that your heart is to care, not control your child. Give validation when your child turns off their video game on time or bravely admits a mistake.

Relationships grow when your child feels heard and valued too. Invite your child to share ideas for creating safe boundaries at home. Our son, for example, recently shared that the most helpful protection we’ve offered is removing old devices from the house. That way, he’s not tempted to access online spaces in secret. When kids feel their perspective is welcome, we can create a sense of teamwork as a family.

5. Keep it slow and simple

When it comes to devices, Chris McKenna of Protect Young Eyes says it best: Delay, delay, delay! In fact, he even created the “Delay Manifesto” that declares,

We aren’t anti-technology. We simply want the right tech at the right time – and that’s often a lot later than the rest of the world. Why? Because pitting our amazing children against the world’s most brilliant software engineers isn’t fair or right.

Release yourself from the pressure to keep on pace with the culture that puts devices in kids’ hands before they’re ready. Prayerfully consider the right time to allow your children to engage with the digital world, and map out a slow and deliberate pace for introducing devices into their lives.

With that in mind, embrace simplicity. It may not be helpful or necessary to provide a phone and tablet or a laptop and smart TV and gaming system for your child’s use. Paring down the number of connected devices in your home will help you set screentime limits more easily, monitor the apps and shows your child views, and free you up for undistracted quality time as a family.

6. Expect to invest

For us, we’ve found that protecting our child’s safety requires tools that come with a cost. We’ve paid for a monitored watch and phones from Gabb and Bark over the years. We have subscribed to the The Table—the incredible Protect Young Eyes parent community—to keep us current on the latest digital tools and risks to our child. We’ve shopped for books by experts who help us understand the impact of technology on kids’ growing minds and hearts. And we purchased the Mighty Player so our son can enjoy his favorite music without exposure to the adult content embedded in streaming services. Sometimes the cost can pinch, but the peace of mind is worth every cent.

7. Lead by example

The struggle to use devices with wisdom and self-control isn’t just a struggle for our kids. It’s an issue we have to face in ourselves every day. Since we work from home, it’s easy to jump on our laptops and miss out on evening family time. When we’re feeling tired or overwhelmed, it can be tough to unplug instead of scrolling social media. We can get hooked on a show and compromise on sleep to watch it at night. Before we challenge our kids’ habits, we need to challenge our own!

That’s why we know that simple boundaries like phone-free dinners at the table make a big difference. Or limiting TV to shows we can watch as a family instead of alone in our separate corners. (This means keeping TV out of our bedrooms too.) We keep the dialog open, too, to call each other out if screens are dominating our attention or creating disconnection between us. It’s also helpful to ask our kids if they feel they’re competing with screens for attention. One of the best ways to guide our kids through technology is walking what we talk.

8. Keep learning

As technology continues to develop at lightning speed, it can feel impossible to keep up. Yet there is a wealth of advice, information, and support to be found for moms and dads. You won’t regret the time you spend to learn from others who have researched or are farther along in their parenting journey. If you are curious where to start, check out these resources:

9. Release your fears

To be fully transparent, I have spent hours awake in the night feeling anxious for my child’s online safety. My mind has spun with what-ifs. I’ve wrestled with self-blame when things went wrong and panic that they’d go wrong again. Rather than simply doing our due diligence and placing our child in God’s hands, I was consumed with fear that stole peace and joy from our home.

Today, let’s remember the kind of God we serve. Let’s hold on to his promises to protect and guide, hear our prayers, and watch over us every moment. May we recognize that his love and power are infinitely great for our children. And, that we can face the future with bold confidence since Jesus has “overcome the world” (John 16:33). The solid ground under our feet is knowing that God is for us as moms and dads.

10. Pray. And pray some more!

To conquer our fears, God invites us to pray. It’s through prayer that we invite the Spirit to counsel our minds and point us in the right direction. By praying, we call on God to wrap his protection around our kids. Through prayer we can ask God for help and healing if our child suffers harm or makes self-destructive choices. With that in mind, will you pray with us right now?

Lord God, we thank you for your beautiful gift of children in our lives Thank you for devices that help us to learn, connect with others, and discover more of the world you’ve made. Teach us, Lord, how to use technology with wisdom and care. Show us how to engage online in ways that build us up and bring out the best in our family.

Protect our children from harm by those who would exploit them for selfish gain. Shield their eyes from violent or sexual content that would disturb their spirits or steal their innocence. Help us to keep devices in their proper place instead of allowing them to separate us from one another and from you. Be our wisdom and peace as we follow your lead. Amen.

Are you looking for some screen-free alternatives to connect as a family? Don’t miss these resources in our shop!