Episode 96: How To Help Your Teen Girl Escape The Comparison Trap—with Shannon Popkin and Lee Nienhuis
When I (Joanna) was in middle school, I can remember having a love of learning, I enjoyed being outdoors and moving through childhood content with who I was. It wasn’t until I moved to a new school and got my hands on my first Seventeen Magazine that it seemed like I was overwhelmed with feelings of not being enough. I felt like I wasn’t pretty enough, popular enough, or good enough to be wanted and loved for who I was.
I think most girls could tell you the moment when comparison drove insecurity deep into their spirit. As we parent our daughters, we want to be aware of how comparison is destructive to their mind, their body, and their souls as they grow.
We are so excited to have Shannon Popkin and Lee Nienhuis, authors of Comparison Girl for Teens: Thriving Beyond Measure in a World That Compares, with us on the podcast for this episode.
In this episode, Shannon & Lee share with us:
- What it means to be a “comparison girl”
- Some comparison cues to look out for as you interact with your daughter
- The importance of biblical literacy when it comes to issues of self-worth
- And much more!
We hope you find encouragement and hope in this episode!
Links:
- [BOOK] Comparison Girl for Teens: Thriving Beyond Measure in a World That Compares
- [BOOK] Comparison Girl: Lessons from Jesus on Me-Free Living in a Measure-Up World
- Comparison Conversation Guide
- The Social Dilemma
- Connect with Shannon on her website, Instagram, or Facebook
- Connect with Lee on her website, Instagram, or Facebook
Our Takeaways:
1) Comparison leads to isolation. Even if you are the one that others are comparing themselves to, comparison is very isolating. You can feel like you don’t belong or can never live up to the standard that another person has set. If you are the one others are comparing themselves to, you feel a heavy burden to maintain that standard. Regardless of which side of the comparison you struggle with, it can feel so lonely and like you are constantly striving to look like an impossible standard.
2) Learn to recognize the cues of comparison. When our child (sons can also fall into the comparison trap!) is experiencing issues of comparison, it’s important as parents to know the cues. It won’t always be clear this is what they’re going through, which is why we need to be able to recognize the signs of comparison. This could be things like jealousy, wishing for better clothes or hair, spending a lot of time commenting on how others look, and more. Even if your child isn’t comparing themselves to other kids their age, be aware that they have a constant curated stream of images to compare themselves to on social media.
3) Build a support system of safe adults around your children. It’s important for your children to know they can come to you when they encounter difficult situations or need advice. As we mentioned in this episode, it’s still important to build a support system of safe adults around your children. This might be made up of a counselor, therapist, family friend, another trusted parent, or a pastor. The goal is that your child will have multiple people they can go to if they are struggling with issues like comparison, self-worth, or even more serious issues like anxiety, depression, or thoughts of suicide. By doing this, you will not only strengthen your relationship with them, but help them have places to turn when they encounter things that could harm their self-esteem, identity, or mental health.
Meet Our Guests
Shannon Popkin is an author, speaker, wife, and mom to three adult children. She loves combining her gifts for humor and storytelling with her passion for Jesus and the truth of God’s Word. Shannon is the author of Comparison GIrl and the co-author of Comparison Girl for Teens. She lives in West Michigan with her husband, Ken, and their two Shih Tzus.
Lee Nienhuis is an author, speaker, passionate Bible teacher, and mom. She serves as a Communications Specialist, ministry coach, and consultant for many churches and non-profit organizations. Lee lives in West Michigan with her husband, Mike, and their four children. When she isn’t carting kids, coaching high school cheerleading, or whipping up dinners, she loves hot cups of coffee, deep friendships, and laughing till her sides ache.
