Episode 99: How to Build a Strong Relationship with Your Adult Child—with Jim Burns
In this stage of life with our middle schooler, it is pretty clear what our job description is as his parents. He needs us to provide clean clothes, food in the fridge, some help with his homework, drive him everywhere, and pay for his schooling and extracurriculars. We are his biggest cheerleaders and guides as he is doing this work of growing up.
But things aren’t so clear when it comes to our adult children. We are having to tear up that old job description and learn a whole new way of relating and supporting them. Today’s guest knows all about this and often says that “the transition is complicated, often messy, and can sometimes feel like you are walking on eggshells.”
Jim Burns is the president of HomeWord and the author of several popular books, including Doing Life With Your Adult Children. He and his wife, Cathy, reside in Southern California and have three grown daughters and four grandchildren.
In this episode, Jim shares :
- Strategies for redefining your relationship with adult children
- The danger of offering unsolicited advice
- Tips for the child who resists launching
- And much more!
We hope this episode is a helpful resource as you navigate this season of parenting!
Links:
- [BOOK] Doing Life With Your Adult Children
- [BOOK] A Student’s Guide to Sexual Integrity: God’s Plan for Sex and Your Body
- Embracing Your Season Podcast
- HomeWord Podcast
- Connect with Jim on his website, Instagram, or Facebook
Our Takeaways:
1) Even great parents can have children who make poor choices. As parents, we can feel ashamed or like we somehow failed when our children make choices that we don’t agree with, but even good parents can have children who make poor choices. We need to go through the process of releasing our children to God and make sure our identity is not dependent on how they act.
2) Unsolicited advice is typically taken as criticism. When our children enter the adult world or head off to college, we are essentially being released from our jobs as parents and are being moved into the mentorship role. This doesn’t happen all at once, but we need to be careful about how and when we give advice. As your children stretch their wings, they need to be allowed to make mistakes and deal with the consequences on their own.
3) Be a safe person they can come back to. It’s important that our children know they can always come to us for advice and support when they need it. By holding our tongues and allowing them the freedom to explore without our criticism, we can ensure that we are a safe place for them to come back to. This may mean we need to show that we care about them by sending them a gift card to their favorite coffee shop, having conversations where you never once say something negative, or even just being sure they know you love them no matter what.
Meet Our Guest
Jim Burns is an author, speaker, and president of HomeWord, a ministry that seeks to advance the work of God in the world by educating, equipping, and encouraging parents and churches to build God-honoring families. He primarily writes and speaks on the values of HomeWord – strong marriages, confident parents, empowered kids, and healthy leaders. Jim and his wife, Cathy, reside in Southern California and have three grown daughters and four grandchildren.
