Episode 133: How to Stay Calm When Your Kids Push Your Buttons—with Janel Breitenstein
As parents of five, we are all too familiar with how our kids can push our buttons and drive us to the end of our patience. Sometimes, when tensions get high, we may feel an impulse to respond to our children’s unwise choices and immature behavior with anger—even when we know that loving self-control is the best way to react.
Every parent we know shares the same desire to be more patient and calm with their children. But some days, it can feel like an impossible task to squelch our frustrations and respond with grace.
If you are carrying a weight of guilt on your shoulders from losing your temper and yelling at your kids, then you won’t want to miss this conversation with a mom who is right there with us.
Our guest, Janel Breitenstein, is a mom, ministry leader, and a popular author and speaker who knows what it is like to battle anger as a parent. She is here to help us discover a path of peace when navigating frustration with our kids.
In this episode, Janel shares:
- Why anger is an easy response to reach for
- Strategies for keeping your cool
- The importance of being a safe place for your children to turn to
- And more!
We hope you enjoy this conversation!
Links:
- [BOOK] How to Stop Yelling Up the Stairs
- Connect with Janel on her website, Substack, or Facebook
Our Takeaways:
1) Our emotions serve as an alert that we need to tend to our hearts. When we have an intense response, that should serve as a sign that we need to seek out God’s grace, comfort, and connection. It could be that we need to let go of unrealistic expectations regarding our children or perhaps address how we feel their behavior reflects poorly on us. Our emotions shouldn’t dictate how we walk through life; however, we need to tend to them rather than ignore them. What emotions have come up this week while interacting with your kids? Why not spend some time taking those to the Lord and asking what desires lie beneath those feelings?
2) Model how to deal with frustrations in a healthy manner. It’s not just adults who struggle to respond appropriately when they are stressed; kids are also learning this skill! We can use the moments when we want to respond in anger or frustration as opportunities to teach our children how to manage negative emotions. Some of the ways to do this include grounding yourself in the moment by taking a drink of water, utilizing box breathing, or engaging the Holy Spirit in our moments of weakness.
3) Get curious about our kids’ motives. We can tend to think we know exactly what is motivating our child’s responses. But rather than assuming and responding, we need to practice pausing and getting curious about our child’s behavior. You may find that what you thought was willful disobedience has an underlying need behind it that can be addressed.
Meet Our Guest
Janel Breitenstein is an author, speaker, ministry leader, and mom to four. She is known as The Awkward Mom and writes for Focus on the Family and FamilyLife. Her path includes twenty-six years in ministry, thirteen years in missions, more than a decade of publishing and marketing experience, and fifteen years writing and speaking to parents. She has over twenty published works and is the author of Permanent Markers and Deliver Us from Meltdowns as well as How to Stop Yelling up the Stairs.
