Episode 113: How to Get Rid of Bitterness in Your Marriage—with Gary Chapman
The longer you share life with your spouse, the more you can struggle with frustrations and disappointments that chip away at your love. Through the years, we’ve heard from many couples who sincerely love one another but struggle to like each other or feel satisfied in their marriage anymore.
Every couple goes through seasons of feeling hurt or let down. They begin to pull apart. Joy fades. They lose hope that they’ll ever get what they want from their spouse. Bitterness creeps in, hardening hearts and crushing hope for tomorrow.
Does it feel like arguments are frequent, but moments of closeness are few and far between? Is it difficult to cherish your spouse for who they are? Do you feel lonely, misunderstood, or ready to give up on your marriage? Our guest is here to help us discover how to get rid of bitterness and love one another with the love of Jesus.
You may recognize him from The 5 Love Languages® series. Gary Chapman is an author, speaker, and counselor. He’s the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants. Gary has a passion for people and helping them form lasting relationships.
In this episode, Gary shares:
- The three questions to start asking your spouse
- Why you should negotiate your differences
- The power of loving your spouse with a godly love
- And much more!
Enjoy!
Links:
- [BOOK] A Simple Guide for a Better Marriage: Quick, Practical Insights Every Couple Needs to Thrive
- Connect with Gary on his website, Facebook, or Instagram
Our Takeaways:
1) God can redeem any marriage. There is no marriage that is beyond the healing power of God to repair and redeem. It will still take work from both spouses, but there is hope! One of the most important things you can do is to start dealing with the issues you have, rather than allowing yourself to be pulled away from each other by the idea that you are just too different from one another to make it work.
2) Don’t sweat the small stuff. Too often, we can get stuck on the inconsequential things, such as how your spouse likes to load the dishwasher. Rather than honing in and obsessing over those kinds of things, we need to learn how to let go of the small stuff and even adapt to our spouse whenever possible. If you truly love your spouse, making a few small changes to match their preferences is a small act of love you can gift to your spouse each day.
3) Make a plan to bring up grievances. No one likes being told all the ways they aren’t measuring up. That’s why Gary recommends making a plan with your spouse for how you will bring up grievances. An important aspect of this is to deliver only one thing at a time for your spouse to work on, and whenever you give this constructive criticism, be sure to follow it up with at least three positive things they are doing. This helps remind them of all the ways they are doing well and lets them know that you see, love, and appreciate how they have been showing up recently.
Meet Our Guest
Gary Chapman, PhD, is an author, speaker, and counselor. He is a bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages® series and director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants. Gary travels the world presenting seminars, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations. He has a passion for people and helping them form lasting relationships.
