3 Little Words That Create Big Change in Your Marriage

Last night, we should have had a fight.

We were exhausted. Travel had kept us apart and disconnected. Deadlines and to-do lists were bearing down hard. Our child had tested our limits all week. Decisions and questions needed answers. We had aches and pains, and we needed a proper meal beside the cold hot dog on the sidelines of our son’s game.

The conditions were ripe for one of those ugly, go-to-bed-frosty kind of fights.

But you know what? The day ended gently. We laughed over nonsense. We held hands. We talked and listened. And as I sit here in the quiet this morning, I’m grateful.

3 Little Words

We remember the days in our marriage when a fight would have been a sure thing. Stress and fatigue too often ran our show. We were easily triggered and offended. Negative assumptions were bricks in the wall built between us.

But God in His faithfulness accomplished much to change our hearts and habits. While we’ll never reach perfection or stop growing as a couple, we’re not who we once were.

If we had to describe God’s work in our marriage, we could simply point to how the Spirit has made His Word take root in our relationship:

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. — Micah 6:8

Justice. Mercy. Humility. Three little words that hold great power to heal, to soften hard hearts, and to restore broken trust in the most wounded relationship.

Just as we shared recently how Micah 6:8 can serve as a blueprint for raising your kids, it can serve you in your marriage as well. Let’s discover five ways that this Scripture marks out a path to a loving, life-giving relationship.

1. We don’t have to navigate marriage alone.

When a couple stands at the altar, they make a covenant with God and each other. We can all recite the vows of a bride and groom to remain faithful through sickness and health, for richer or poorer. What’s beautiful is that God speaks lifelong promises too!

He will provide for our needs. (Philippians 4:19)
He’ll give wisdom for every situation we face. (James 1:5)
He will rescue us from temptation. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
He’ll forgive our sins, remove our shame, and make us new. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
He will transform our minds so we understand what’s true and right. (Romans 12:2)
God will never stop working to set us free from the past and make us like Jesus. (Philippians 1:6)

If you’re discouraged today, know that God is ready and able to show you “what is good” for your marriage. What is good for your soul. And what is the good way forward to mend what is broken between you and move toward freedom and joy.

2. Your marriage is your worship to God.

It’s easy to slip into thinking our marriage is all about us. We want the blessings of affection and support. We want a relationship to protect us from loneliness and build up our sense of worth. Yet while God designed marriage for our good, it’s meant to be so much more. We have to ask the same question as Micah: “What does the Lord require of you?”

If we enter our marriage with a heart to please God even more than ourselves or even our spouse, everything changes. No longer do we love our partner just so that we can get love in return. No longer do we look to our spouse to satisfy every need and longing we carry inside. Instead, we love and care and serve because it delights the heart of God. We love because God first loved us (1 John 4:19).

What does that love look like? How do we worship God through our marriage?

3. We live with integrity.

You don’t have to dig deep in the Bible to discover that God loves justice. Over and over we see His stance against those who cheat or lie, abuse their power, or exploit the vulnerable. Just as God is honest, fair, and trustworthy with us, we’re meant to live with integrity with those we love most.

If we take a moment to examine our hearts, we can ask:

Am I holding my spouse to a standard I don’t live up to myself?
Do I take more than I give?
Am I keeping score between us?
Do I bend the truth to get what I want?
Can my spouse trust me with our money and where I go online?
Do I say one thing but do another?
Am I the same person in private as when my spouse is watching?
Do I expect grace for my mistakes but punish my spouse for theirs?

Today, let’s walk in integrity so trust can flourish in our marriages. And as we choose God’s way of justice, His name will be made great.

4. We live with compassion.

I (Joanna) have certainly perfected the art of testing Rob’s patience! I backed out of the garage without opening the door first. I asked for a dog who now chews up his stuff and hogs our bed. I use him to warm up my icy-cold feet all winter. I forget to tell him about appointments so he’s scrambling to adjust his plans at the last minute. I leave my phone on silent so I miss his calls. My weaknesses require a hefty dose of compassion from my husband every day.

Yet for every marriage, it’s compassion that keeps bitterness and resentment from taking root and destroying the relationship. Compassion offers forgiveness, unconditional love, and gentle responses instead of harsh, harmful words. Understanding when our spouse is tired or stressed. Practical help when we recognize they’re overloaded and overwhelmed. Compassion doesn’t hold our spouse to an impossible standard and punish them when they fail to meet it. It actively seeks to be thoughtful and kind.

Compassion says I have your back. I’ll never make you cope alone. I’ll focus on the good I see in you. I’ll never stop praying for you, hoping for the best for you, and carrying your burdens with you. Our compassion for each other echoes God’s heart of mercy for each of His children.

5. We live with humility.

We’re driven to fight for our rights, aren’t we? It’s hard to keep serving our spouse when we feel taken for granted. It’s tough to take constructive criticism, give up our preferences, and admit we’re wrong. Yet as followers of Jesus, we’re called to a life of humility like His.

Humility says God is God and we are not. It surrenders to God’s will and ways, no matter the cost. It is glad to step back and put our spouse first. It’s quick to apologize and slow to take offense. Humility is wide open to advice and help. Humility doesn’t pretend to have it all together. It knows that apart from the wisdom of the Word, we’ll get it all wrong. It puts our hearts in a posture of trust and dependence on God for all we are and all we need.

As we live with humility, our spouse is no longer a tool to satisfy our needs and wants. Instead, we see one another as undeserved gifts from God’s hand to be cherished in every way. As humility saturates our relationship, we reflect the heart of Jesus to a watching world.

Have you been feeling disappointed or hurt in your relationship in this season? Do you wonder why it’s a struggle to feel close, secure, and at peace with each other? Are you stuck in a rut of conflict? Is hope for your future slipping away?

Today, ask the Lord to make His Word alive in your marriage. Trust Him to do a new thing. Choose His way of justice, mercy, and humility that will put you on a new path as a couple. With God, all things are possible!

A Prayer for You

Lord,

We confess that we’ve failed to love one another as you love us. We’ve let prideful attitudes and selfish choices tear at the fabric of our marriage. Thank you for the gift of your Word that invites us to forgive, love, and heal.

Teach us what it means to live with integrity in our home. Breathe a spirit of compassion into our relationship so we can be gentle, patient, and kind. Humble our hearts so we surrender to you and put each other first. May our marriage be an expression of worship to you. When others see our love, may they see you. Amen.

Related Conversation Starters

Which of the three words—integrity, compassion, or humility—are most present in our marriage? The least?
Name one habit or action I can take that would make you feel you’re important to me.
What is your greatest source of stress right now, and how can I help?
“I know I hurt you when I ________________________. Please forgive me and know that I’ll do what it takes to make it right.”
Describe one reason you’re grateful for your spouse and one reason you’re proud of who they are as a person.

For more conversation starters to keep drawing you closer together, take hold of the boxed set we created to bless your relationship.