Episode 75: Do You See Your Spouse As an Asset or a Liability?

August 1, 2023

Recently, I (Joanna) have been meditating on the story of Abram and Sarai in Genesis 12. In the story, Abram becomes afraid that someone will murder him because his wife, Sarai, is so beautiful. It can seem like a pretty crazy story. But it shows how we can look at our spouse’s assets and view them not as gifts, but liabilities.

In this episode, Rob and I want to look at why we can struggle to celebrate our spouse’s strengths, skills, talents, and qualities that make them special. In our own marriage, we encountered moments where the character we love about our spouse is also the thing that costs us something. For me, I took pause when Rob’s love of learning meant an investment of time and money to pursue a master’s degree. For Rob, my gift of hospitality collided with his introverted personality and took him out of his comfort zone.

We’ve known couples where one spouse had a passion for fitness but the other fought the expense of a gym membership and organic groceries. For another, the ability to put down deep roots clashed with their spouse’s love of change and adventure. In your marriage you might have different decision-making styles. A different approach to parenting. Different skills in money management or the way you cope with difficult emotions. Those different talents, passions, and abilities can test our relationships as we seek to live as one.

Do you see your spouse’s differences and talents as an asset or a liability? Join us as we discuss the ways we can view our spouse’s gifts and how to see them as an asset to the relationship.

Rob and I share:

  • How we have seen each other as a liability
  • Ways to shift your mindset
  • How to see your spouse as an asset
  • And more!

We hope you enjoy this conversation!



Our Takeaways:

1) Differences make us stronger. It’s easy to see all the ways our spouse is a liability. It takes work to be able to see how those differences make us stronger together. For us, Rob’s overthinking ensures that we’ve considered every possible outcome and Joanna’s decisiveness drives us to make a decision instead of staying stuck. As our friend, Jill Savage, likes to say our differences aren’t wrong they are just different!

2) Begin by noticing the ways you can celebrate your spouse’s gifts. If you find yourself thinking of your spouse’s gifts more as a liability, the first step is to pause and practice praising God for your spouse. Consider keeping a list and add one thing to it each week, then look for opportunities to compliment them on those things throughout the day. The more you start to notice the ways their unique gifts are beneficial the more your mindset will begin to shift.

3) We grow together. Marriage is a lot of work, but the beauty of it is that we get to grow alongside one another. That means that we get to see the good and the bad, the hard, the joy-filled, and more. We get to grow together and celebrate what makes each other unique and how that helps each other.

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