Episode 136: Do You See Your Spouse As an Asset or a Liability?
We are sharing some of our favorite episodes from the podcast this month as we wind down the summer. Next up is this conversation we had about how we view our spouse’s differences and the ways our perspective can make a world of difference.
When you look at your spouse, do you notice how their unique way of thinking fills the gaps in your own? Do you celebrate how they approach life differently?
If most of us were honest, we are far more likely to notice these differences in a negative light. It irks us when our spouse loads the dishwasher the “wrong” way or takes a different route to church. We can wonder what in the world they are thinking and how our differences, that cause so much stress and strife, could ever be viewed as an asset. In this conversation, we address why we can struggle to celebrate our spouse’s strengths, skills, talents, and qualities that make them special.
In our own marriage, we encountered moments where the character we love about our spouse is also the thing that costs us something. For me, I took pause when Rob’s love of learning meant an investment of time and money to pursue a master’s degree. For Rob, my gift of hospitality collided with his introverted personality and took him out of his comfort zone.
In this episode, we share:
- How we have seen each other as a liability
- How to shift your mindset in a more positive direction
- How to see your spouse as an asset
- And much more!
We hope you enjoy this conversation!
Links:
Our Takeaways:
1) Embrace what makes your spouse unique. Differences actually make us stronger. It’s easy to see all the ways our spouse is a liability. But it takes work to be able to see how those differences make us stronger together. For us, Rob’s overthinking ensures that we’ve considered every possible outcome, and Joanna’s decisiveness drives us to make a decision instead of staying stuck. As our friend, Jill Savage, likes to say, our differences aren’t wrong; they are just different!
2) Begin by taking note of and celebrating your spouse’s gifts. If you find yourself thinking of your spouse’s gifts in a more negative light, the first step is to pause and praise God for your spouse. Recognize that even if the ways they are different are annoying to you in this moment, they are a good thing! Consider keeping a list and add one thing to it each week, then look for opportunities to compliment them on those things throughout the day. The more you start to notice the ways their unique gifts are beneficial, the more your mindset will begin to shift.
3) We grow together. When we were first married, our personalities bumped into each other all the time. Everything from how we manage money to doing the laundry was an opportunity for our differences to either work together or drive us apart. Arriving at a place where you can reap the benefits of your spouse’s unique way of doing things doesn’t happen by accident. Marriage is a lot of work, but the beauty of it is that we get to grow alongside one another. That means that we get to see the good and the bad, the hard, the joy-filled, and more. We get to grow together and celebrate what makes each other unique and how that helps each other.
